Meeting CD's mom for the first time

My husband and I went to court for CD today. It's been 9.5 months since she came to live with us. It's also been 9.5 since her mother has seen her. In the months that CD has been with us, her mother has been non-compliant with all court dates, visits, programs, and drug testing. Until today.

Today, as my husband and I sat waiting (for almost 3 hours) to be seen by the judge, I saw a woman walk into the area where we were sitting and knew immediately that she was CD's mother. CD has her eyes. The case manager, who came in just a moment after her, quickly confirmed that CD's mother, to her great surprise, was going to participate in today's court proceedings. For almost three hours I tried not to stare at CD's mother as she unknowingly sat right across the hall from me. I played Angry Birds Rio to keep myself busy.

My husband and I are not entitled to sit in the court hearing, but we have a right to give a statement to the judge. We were referred to as "Mr. and Ms. T" for the proceeding as we testified for the court and in front of CD's mother. I keep of a book of memories for CD which I brought to court with me. It includes pictures of her, art projects, her daycare progress report and cards that were given to her for her birthday. I offered the judge the book and as he flipped through it I testified to how well CD is doing and offered the information regarding her upcoming ear surgery. I found myself turning to her mother a few times as I noticed her tear up, reassuring her that CD is happy, doing well socially and that the operation is minor and will repair her hearing. The judge asked that I make copies of some pictures of CD for her mother. I said that absolutely, I would.

After we all left the court room, without even thinking about what I was doing, I walked over to CD's mother and offered to show her the pictures in the book. Visibly shaken and teary, she looked at the pictures of CD. I felt sad for her. Trying to make her comfortable, I told her that CD is beautiful and that we are taking good care of her. She noticed that CD has all of her teeth but didn't say much else. I think she was very overwhelmed with emotion. I wished her the best of luck and then my husband and I walked into the elevator. We both briefly broke down in the elevator and then again when we sat down for a few minutes at a local pizza shop. After I drove my husband to the train station, I went home and got into bed. I was paralyzed for a few hours not knowing what to think of this unexpected occurrence. When it was time to pick up the kids, I pulled myself together and was able to enjoy the night playing outside with Z and CD and the neighbor kids. I've talked to some very supportive people in my life and I know that all we can do is take it one day at a time and not let this change anything for our family.

Court will reconvene in a month after CD's mother has had an opportunity to apply for a public defender and meet with counsel. I have so many questions but no answers. Only time will tell if this is the beginning of CD's mother's journey back to her child or not. I think that the first sign to look for is interest on the part of her mother in seeing CD. She is entitled to weekly visits with CD as she has been all of these months. I guess if she decides that she wants to begin to visit with CD we will know that this story may actually be just beginning.