The first thing that I found out while waiting for our court hearing is that R would not be showing for court today. Apparently her boyfriend's sister's car, the car she also relies on for visits, has broken down. That must be some crappy brand new shiny red Ford SUV.
In conversation with the law guardian prior to the hearing, I next found out that though R has not been coming for her visits this month, she has been attending all of her therapeutic programs. The law guardian predicted that the judge would rule that the System have a concurrent plan now, which would mean that the System would both continue to make attempts to promote reunification while also starting the process toward Termination of Parental Rights.
When I was trained, I was told that this concurrent plan occurred at the six month mark. I was told that after six months, CD would have been moved from our care if we were not a potential adoptive home. The law guardian apparently had not attended foster parent training where we were told this stuff. During training we were also told that the System has advanced and after being 15 out of 22 months in foster care, the process of termination of parental rights begins as this is a maximum amount of time allowed. We were told that the System no longer allows children to live in this kind of limbo. I was corrected on this by the law guardian. Apparently this is just a suggestion. Kids can languish in foster care for a long time, even in 2011, if the court does not like the suggestion. Other foster/adoptive parents and those in the know tried to tell me this.
So, when my husband made a statement to the judge as to our desire to adopt CD, he was told by the judge that it was "premature" but "thank you for helping the family." Premature? With R gone completely for the first ten months of CD's placement with us and with the System asking us over and over about our commitment to adopting CD, it is "premature?"
Well, apparently it now is. With the first 17 months of CD's life of neglect and endangerment (at best) followed by 10 more months of pure abandonment and the last three months of inconsistent visitation, it is premature to even discuss the possibility of CD not being raised by biological mother in a court of law.
The System will now be giving R train tickets so that she can make the visits. First, I don't understand why this wasn't done before and second, why is it ok for R to buy gifts for CD from an expensive amusement park but ok to not show up for the PERMANENCY HEARING because she doesn't have the money for a train ticket?? How is she going to care for CD if she needs to take her to the doctor and doesn't have money to get her there?
Oh, R did talk to the judge on the phone during the hearing but the call was dropped before she could respond as to why she missed this week's visit.
So the judge decided to continue the System goal of reunification in the next three to six months. The law guardian was wrong. The next court date is not for another 3 months. The judge is in no rush to resolve anything or make any permanent plans for CD's life. Unless he is the only person on Earth that has some insider information and can predict that R, against all odds, will be ready to be CD's parent in a few months.
Obviously, I was hoping for something to happen today. Really, nothing happened, just an extension of the same with lots of excuses being accepted and more time for CD to be without a plan for her future. What a System.
7 comments:
The System plays by their own rules which can be changed without notice. My two year old was abandoned at the hospital at birth(she was a preemie), never visited by ANYONE until this past April when dad heard "termintation hearing" than he shows up saying he wants her We have to consider him as a "parent"? After months of trying to get him to take responsibility and he never shows up for ANYTHING we now have to consider him as father? Fortunately he didn't even show up for the termination hearing but his lawyer appealed the the decision to terminate. So now we wait some more...
I couldn't figure out why he was even given a second chance after all those months of no contact.
What complete crap. I can't believe the judge was that... Idiotic, really. God. You must be terribly frustrated. I know I am.
I can't believe that they are still thinking of returning CD!!! GEES.
Feeling sick. Sorry to hear this.
Sorry the System is so forgiving of child neglect and abuse! On the bright side - this past year that CD has been in your family she's been loved and cared for. CD is gaining so much during crucial formative months.... hopefully her young age keeps her from understanding or even knowing who R is so she feels loved and cared for by the only family she knows - YOURS. This mother isn't going to change IMO and it seems that inevitably she'll be forced out of the picture. I can only imagine the anxiety the uncertainty of the whole situation must make you feel! Thankfully you are saving CD from a terrible situation and giving her the very best chance for a good life and a future! The longer she stays with you, the better her chances are. I pray that means adoption someday.
welcome to foster care. im sorry for you all and mostly sorry for CD.
as you know, i am for reunification when bioparents are ACTIVELY, IMMEDIATELY, and CONSISTENLY involved in the plan and with their child. this is not the case here ... and in fact, R has abandoned her child who does not even know her.
i wrote a "dark" response, but deleted it, because .. well... welcome to foster care.
it sucks.
I am so sorry!
Kathy
It would take every ounce of my strength to not speak back to the judge if I were the one making the statement and the judge said it was "premature." The only thing that would keep me biting my tongue would be the thought that doing so would only hurt CD.
The system is just Orwellian in the extreme. A concurrent plan of reunification and terminating parental rights? Am I the only one that finds this to be completely insane? It's like a concurrent plan of demolishing the house while going to Home Depot for some WD-40 to fix the squeaky door hinge. Unbelievable.
My current thought is that because there is such a strong bias in our society for biological relationships (regardless of how poor those relationships are), the judge just goes out of his way to favor the biological mother with every legal avenue he has at his disposal. It shouldn't happen on his watch that a biological mother and daughter are separated unless he gives every single possible opportunity no matter how ridiculous or hopeless. I think this bias is so strong that it completely blinds to the reality of the situation that you have a woman who is unable and likely unwilling to be a mother or even show up for visits or the court hearing (!!!) being shown sympathy and understanding.
I also think that ironically the fact that you are such good parents to CD and the fact that you really do want to adopt her is only prolonging things. From the judge's perspective what's so bad about giving the bio mom more time? CD is in a loving home and it's not like you're going to decide to not adopt her if it just takes a bit longer. So, why not give the bio mom more time? To the judge's mind CD is in a great place right now and if things continue she'll continue to be with a great family, and if bio mom gets her act together the judge gets to pat himself on the back for doing the "right thing."
JS, I couldn't fall asleep last night as I was having some choice words with the judge in my head. There was yelling involved.
You make an excellent point. He has no reason to rush when all he has been told over and over again how well CD is doing and what a great and committed family we are. Really, what is the difference between staying with us 12 months, 15 or 18? At some point long ago we passed the "this will be hard on everyone" point.
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