When there are two workers, there are three opinions

You know how people say that if you go to two doctors (or two rabbis) you will end up with three opinions?

Well, welcome to my life. As the big July 20th permanency hearing is rapidly approaching, I am getting an earful from every System worker, fellow foster parent and professional who have ever known anything about TPRs, foster care and adopting through foster care.

I am listening to so much information and opinions, it is making my head spin. Everyone has something to add, an experience to share or some new insight I hadn't thought of. While I am happy for all the input, all I really want to know is what is going to happen in the end. No one can tell me. Well, some believe they can, but they can't really. Not definitively.

The latest was a worker who visited our home for the first time (she happens to be my next door neighbor's resource worker). She was covering for our worker (not CD's worker, we have a "resource worker" who is responsible for our family though I have no idea what she is supposed to be doing). Anyway, this worker, A., has many, many years of experience with the System. She had a new take on things. She reminded me that the System works very strictly within the 15 month maximum time frame. Considering all the factors involved, A. strongly believes that even if the judge were to give R (CD's biological mother) those last 3 months until that 15 month mark, it would just be a formality. A. said that the System folks and the judge all know that what they are asking her to do is basically climb Mt. Everest in the next 3 months. A. believes that it would be impossible for R to meet the System goals in such a short period of time and that reunification is not going to happen.

A. said, "no way, not a chance."

She said, and this is a new one to me, that the fact that she is taking her boyfriend's sister along with her everywhere and has offered her up as a potential guardian, may be my biggest cause for concern. A. said that the System would be required to do a background check on any person the biological parent puts forward as a potential guardian. Honestly, I am not concerned. The friend is not a biological relative and does not have a license to foster. I can't even imagine the judge giving her 8-12 months to get a license.

A. wondered aloud about what R could have been doing for those 9.5 months when she was mostly MIA. She said that so often there are children of which the System is unaware. She told me not to be surprised if one day the System pops up to ask us to take in another one of R's children. I thought the idea that R may be dealing with another child somewhere else was a bit of a stretch, but hey, this worker has seen it. More than once.

So, an interesting spin on things. She reviewed how important factors are such as R's choices of men, the removal of a previous child, almost 10 months of abandonment etc. and explained that the life that CD has now and what we have to offer (she made sure to specify love and consistency and how this is not about money) is taken into account as well. She gave me reason to be optimistic though nothing short of a sure thing will make my days easier right now.