This is going to go on forever.
I bump into people who want to know if "the adoption is final." If I had a nickle for every time I had to explain that not only is it not final, but CD is not free for adoption and likely won't be for the foreseeable future, I could retire with enough money to send 20 kids through college.
So here we are on our first of what I expect will be numerous three month extensions. CD's mother came for one visit, missed two Mondays and is visiting with CD right now though the visit will be short as R was 35 minutes late. R missed an intake appointment two or three times with an agency that is supposed to oversee visitation, so they are still visiting at the System office which is not exactly set up for this purpose. She is being partially compliant. It seems partially is what will keep this thing going, but not progressing in any direction (reunification or adoption) for as long as the judge decides to keep it this way. CD's mother won't be granted increased visitation unless she comes regularly.
Today was a good hand off though. CD understands that she will have a good time with Mommy R and that then she will come home to us. She isn't afraid anymore and Mommy R gently approached as CD, once again, hugged me and said, "my mommy" to R. R responded, that's right, she is your Mommy. I gave R some recent pictures and encouraged CD to show Mommy R the pictures and to show her the toys that I packed for the visit. It went well. I felt like a professional foster mom.
Whatever. It sucks.
Reality is, this isn't going to be over anytime soon, so I am just going to have to go with it. I once thought, due to misleading information during training, that there was a set time the System keeps to as to not suspend children in a state of limbo. Well, apparently that was bull and accepting how this is really going to work is my new reality. Fuming about how stupid reality is just makes me want to eat junk food. No point in going down that road, certainly not with all the hard work I have been doing at the gym.
2 comments:
I hear your frustration. It sucks that there is nothing you can do to change the situation. I don't understand why the judge gave an extention.
I am sorry.
It`s not fair at all to leave things in limbo. It seems as though R may truly get the fact that CD needs to stay with you but possibly can`t stand the thought of things becoming final. Regardless of that, given that R is only partially compliant even with sticking to visiting CD, the chances seem high to me that she would be only a partial parent if she got CD back. I think she`s been given ample opportunity to get her life together and make a home for her child. Hopefully this won`t go on too much longer!
I think I`ve said before but if not, I need to say, I sure wish we had more foster parents like you in our State!
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