The tone in the court room was somewhat different this time. The judge smiled at us and chose different words when addressing us. It was no longer, "thank you for helping the family at this time," it was, "thank you for doing this." When he asked about our sons he asked, "are they excited to . . ." until he was given a look by the defense attorney so he changed what he seemed to be going to saying ("adopt CD") to ". . .have CD with you?"
The judge explained that we would be assigned a new case manager in the next five days. An ADOPTION case manager. While CD's mother and father still maintain their parental rights until they are officially terminated by the court, the court has now changed the "permanency plan" from reunification to adoption. The process can take anywhere from approximately 6-12 months (or longer if we are thrown a curveball, which we don't expect). I am not sure how the complete absence of the biological family affects the process but I guess we will learn as we go along.
Best Chanukah present ever! It took a while to feel real. My little girl, who has at this point been a part of my family for more than half of her life will be, almost certainly, my FOREVER daughter.
When we signed up to be foster parents, I told myself it would be enough to be a temporary family for children when they needed them. I did hope and dream though that a CD would happen. People keep telling us how lucky CD is to have us. They have no idea. We are the lucky ones.
Meanwhile, CD is no baby anymore. At almost three, she is a little person with a very distinct and strong personality. She prefers dresses over pants, wants her nails done at all times, refuses to stop painting the walls with deodorant and the teachers at her school tell me that they imagine her to one day be the head cheerleader in high school with legions of followers. She is a confident, opinionated child who doesn't shy away from telling everyone what she wants and what she wants them to do. CD is not exactly the spitting image of her to be adoptive parents. It is so exciting to watch her personality begin to take form not having any idea what kind of role genetics are playing. She is one of a kind and I love being her mom.
12 comments:
Oh I understand how you feel about being the lucky ones! People kept telling us how lucky our daughter was and though I appreciated the spirit, I couldn't express to them how much we really were the lucky ones. Best wishes!
Mazel tov! That is really great news for CD!
I would write the expected " of course, it is sad for Cd's bio-family" etc... but they seem to have moved on with nary a backwards glance.
You are CD's family and I wish all of you only the best moving forward!
Congratulations! What a wonderful milestone to have reached. I'm sure that all five of you are very "lucky" indeed!
So very happy for you,
Kathy
Such wonderful news! Belated happy chanuka!
Mazal Tov!
:)
Very happy for you all.
I assume that paternity test came back negative? At what point are parental rights terminated?
This is just such a lovely story and I think your family and CD are all extremely lucky and fortunate to have found each other.
Paternity test came back negative.
I know that the System enters some kind of formal something to begin the process on Feb 8. I am so unclear as to what happens after that. I think it all depends on whether there is a trial. I imagine there won't be a trial if no one is fighting the termination. I have no idea how many times they schedule court to give bio family a chance to fight it before the judge rules to terminate. I have not heard from the adoption case manager yet, maybe s/he will be able to tell us more.
What a wonderful way to ring in 2012 - with such hope for all of you! In the best case scenario, there won't be any additional bumps in the road. As you've learned, this process is likened to a roller coaster ride for a reason. Fortunately for your family it looks as if the end of the ride is in sight. Here's hoping for a smooth ride from here on out!
hi TO. :)
havent commented in awhile... but i was wondering how things were going. wow. congrats!
thank goodness CD is not going to linger unwanted or go back and forth between care and bios who get multiple chances.
this is the BEST outcome...CD will grow up in stability and surrounded by caring and love.
congrats!
I just read the piece on your son as Dave Thomas Foundation tweeted about it this morning. Mazel Tov! What a proud parent you must be of all of your children. Wonderful to read! Great that foster care has become your family's passion. Thanks for sharing.
I am so very happy for CD he is truly blessed to have you in his life. I have been a kinship foster parent for 4 years with two beautiful nieces ages five and three. I give these girls the world because they were not ask to be placed in this situation. I had my first meltdown because the system just burns you out. The case manager is not on point, perfect example a FTC is today at 2pm. I received an email from her yesterday asking if I had received the FTC notice in the mail, which I have not. In any event, I now wonder after four years how much longer will I have to endure the system? Wishing I were in your shoes these girls parents clearly do not want the responsibility of raising their children.
Anon, sometimes I think the kinship care setup can be the most complicated. It seems, so often, that there never comes a time when you can call them "my children" even though you are their parent just as much as I am CD's mother. I know of too many situations where kinship care is an ongoing destabilizing arrangement because it takes forever for there to be permanency for anyone involved, children and adults alike. All the best to you. What you are doing is incredible and meltdowns are, well, completely understandable considering the circumstances.
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