I heard a really incredible story last week. A woman, a very brief time after suffering a tragic miscarriage got a call from the adoption agency with whom she had been working. A baby had been matched to her and her husband. I got chills when I heard the story in its entirety. I won't go into it in order to protect the privacy of the people involved, but it is really an amazing story. Happenings such as these help my friend believe in god.
I look at CD and there is often a feeling of "it was meant to be" as though the universe or some higher power had a hand in the events that led up to saying "yes" to a placement that I would have normally turned down. It seems like more than sheer coincidence that CD and our family found each other. It feels as though she belongs with us, as though she was intended to be my child. Sometimes it feels like everything that led up to the decision to be a foster family was really about the universe making sure that CD would come out of that van on July 21, 2010, reach out her arms to me and become my daughter.
But I am not a believer.
As my friend said, I have seen too much.
For every heartwarming story, I can tell ten that are horrific. I can tell you about the children who never end up in loving arms, who have been treated in ways unimaginable to some or stories of families with all the best intentions to adopt a child in need of a forever family going through hell when a placement doesn't work despite incredible love and dedication.
I can understand the power of incredible stories that seem to be a product of something more than luck or coincidence. However, my choices in life have made me see the world through pretty jaded eyes. I have seen too many innocents without their happily ever afters for the heartwarming or even miraculous seeming events that have happened to me to make a dent.
6 comments:
I'm a believer, but I'm not too blind to notice that God gets all the credit, but none of the blame.
Someone walks in to their house being burglarized and the thief shoots the person at point blank range and steals all of their possessions. After being in emergency surgery and a coma for 2 weeks they finally wake up. The doctor tells the person, "You're lucky to be alive. The bullet was 1/2" away from your heart, just a fraction closer and you would have died instantly. And if the ambulance had brought you here a minute later, given the amount of blood you lost, there wouldn't have been anything we could do."
The person's reaction? "Oh! Thank God! Thank you, God!"
I'm also a believer, although I am also jaded. The way I see things, we live in a fallen world. Evil has been allowed in and here it will remain. But God can help us overcome it. Yes, the miracles make great stories but the ones I find truly inspirational are of those who have been through hell and are still able to love. Are able to find forgiveness for those who have caused them great harm. In particular, those who will never be healthy on this world, who will always know more pain they should. It's odd to me that there are many who will go on about God and love, etc, while denying the existence of the devil and evil. People do evil things. And not simply due to mental illness or a poor upbringing or whatever other excuse is given. People who are raised well and very rational are capable of doing horrible, nasty things to each other. But we are also capable of very good things.
Anyhow, I enjoy your blog and your acceptance of differing viewpoints. You sound rather sad or defeated in this post but, judging from your other writing here, you'll find a more positive place soon.
"For every heartwarming story, I can tell ten that are horrific"
that's more or less what I thought while reading the first part.
What would all the children who never found a family say to such a story? What conclusions would they draw from the fact that it was meant to be for CD, but not for them? That Gd hates them???
And on the other hand I want to add: I suppose you would have made a good, understanding foster mom or adoptive mom to many children out there (even if it was someone else).
On the other hand, there are foster parents who have similar feelings when their foster child joins them, but they do not have the capacities to deal with the situation, and it turns out sour although they thought it was meant to be...
I am a believer. God isn't Santa Claus, giving "good" gifts to the "good" among us and dispensing coal to the "bad" ones.
People make choices, and those choices have consequences. Sometimes the consequences are good, and sometimes they are bad. Sometimes, random things happen in nature.
None of this has anything to do with God, other than that God gave us free will, and allowed for randomness in nature.
Still, God can comfort us in hard times, can celebrate our joys with us, and can influence us to make good choices.
This is what I believe.
Another friend is a non-believer, and her husband a devout believer in thought although not so much in religious practice. His illness was quick and severe, and he died. She said that she spoke to the sky a lot while he was ill, asking why, if her husband was such a believer, would You let this happen?
I said, Who were you talking to if you don't believe in God? We had a good laugh.
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