We have exactly one week to go before CD's case goes to trial. At the trial, it is expected that CD's biological mother (and unknown father) will lose their parental rights. The trial is expected to result in CD then becoming legally free for adoption. What will happen next? How long will it take? When can we expect this to all be over?
I have no idea because they keep switching case managers on us and they don't have any clue either. Our latest case manager was with us for all of 6 weeks and yesterday announced that she is leaving for another job. So we will be between case managers come trial. I understand that the previous case manager, one who was moved to another unit, will be testifying, but I have this sinking feeling that she will be on vacation or something. Because that is how screwed up the system is.
So, I left a message for the man who has been supervising the last two case managers so I could ask some questions. I am hoping he is one of those that returns phone calls. I want some kind of timeline. I want to know if during the 45 day appeal period (after the trial) if we proceed with paperwork toward adoption or if it is a holding period. I want to know what all this "paperwork" is. I want to know how long it takes the Capital to process subsidy applications. I want to know when we should hire a lawyer. I want to know if they have all the information that they need or if there is something I can do to expedite anything. My last two case managers had no answers for these questions even though they work for the "adoption unit."
It is now going on 29 months since CD joined our family. It continues to boggle my mind that even though it has been close to a year since CD's biological mother called the court to announce that she wanted to surrender her rights to our family, even though she has been completely absent since August of 2011 and has not been located since February 2012, she still has parental rights and my husband and I have none. Zero. We have no rights at all. In reality, all we are are government licensed temporary guardians to CD. Basically 24/7 daycare except if they called us that, they would have to pay us at that rate.
I am strongly considering shutting down our license once CD is adopted. My husband wants to keep it open in case a few years from now I change my mind about wanting to do this again. I am afraid that life will calm down and I will want to do it again. I like to make life challenging when it gets calm. It is a defect in my personality. I am afraid that I would jump in again and kick myself for piling on the stress as I fall in love with another child and have to go on this insane journey in order to care for and protect the child. Reopening a license means starting from the beginning and going through the whole process again. There is no way I am doing that. I would sooner adopt an orphaned child abroad than do that.
I am tired. I feel old. But then I wonder, who is going to raise the next CD?
I have been amazed that our case, where we've had two competent workers who answer phone calls promptly and get answers when they don't have them, is so far out of the norm. We've had our foster daughter, our first placement, for eleven months and we're just starting to see glimpses of how the system usually works. There's something going on with our girl's bio-father, involving his other two kids, that could preclude him getting custody of our girl. It was mentioned for the first time two months ago, and we have absolutely no more information about it than we did the day it was first brought up. We just found out this week that the worker in charge of whatever-it-is left, so it's been shifted to a new worker. No idea when we'll know more. At this point the dad is realistically the only potential family member for our girl to go to, so knowing whether or not he's been ruled out would be nice! Our next permanency hearing is in February, so I'm not really expecting to learn anything more about it until then at the earliest.
ReplyDeleteIf you think of it, let us know what answers you get about whether you can keep things moving during the appeals stage. I'm very curious about that.
You have 3 kids now, is life really gong to get calm and boring? :) I think you've done more than your share in making the world a better place if that's what you want.
ReplyDeleteIs there an option to house only kids who need a temporary place if you don't want to go through adopting again, but still want to help out?
Rachael, I hate to say it because I've really, really been there, but eleven months is very early to truly know what is going to happen to your little girl. Permanency hearings bring extensions, even if they switch the goal to adoption, it is no guarantee. If there is an interested bio father and his issues are fixable, almost all judges will require the system to give him some crazy amount of time to get things fixed. Most of this stuff differs from state to state so unless you happen to live in my state (feel free to email me and we can discuss in private) the appeal period can be different. There are even states that complete the adoptions at the TPR hearing.
ReplyDeleteI would recommend finding a lawyer soon. Not only could they help you get these questions answered but if you have the right one they can help move the process along more quickly than it would on its own.
ReplyDelete"I like to make life challenging when it gets calm. It is a defect in my personality. "
ReplyDeleteI had a really good chuckle over this!
Not that you are looking for advice, as you are more than capable of figuring things out, but I think you should keep the licence, at least for a bit. The hassle of letting it go/realising you are not done would be enormous...
That said, maybe 3 is the perfect number of kids, and maybe - even if you get those longing feelings for a new bundle of energy and joy (and ear infections) it is better to quash that notion... I don't know, only you and your husband and your family do.
A friend of mine once said that she would rather be a good mom to two kids, then a stressed out, lousy mom to 4. (People kept pushing her to have more kids because her kids were uber cute and very well behaved and were the absolute light of their parents' lives.
Anyways - I digress...
I hope this court thing actually happens, and someone competent takes the reins. And then I hope that the adoption goes through quickly.
CD is lucky to have been placed in your family. And should another child join at some point, they too will share an amazing wealth of family.
You are tremendous, and it is people like you that give me so much hope for the world.
Thanks for all the healing and support you bring to all those in your life. Remember to take time for you:)
Hope this all works out. If you're looking to make your life crazy, maybe trying to raise awareness about how screwed up the system is and trying to rally support for change are the way to go.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I realize that we're really no closer to actually knowing what's going to happen with this baby than we were the day she arrived, which is so much harder on me emotionally than I expected! Even if the whatever-it-is with her father turns out to be enough to rule him out, I wouldn't be surprised if there were an extension anyway, just for fun.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, reading your blog confirms for me so much that international adoption was the right decision for us. The stress of this would be so hard for me.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a shame that people who would be great parents choose not to get involved (in the US system) because they see the risk and timeframes as too great.
Hoping everything stays on track for CD and the rest of your family.
Just thinking of you and hoping this will all be over soon:)
ReplyDelete