Trial is right now

As I sit here typing this post, I have both my home phone and my cell phone within inches of me. CD's case in currently before a judge.  The state is arguing for termination of CD's biological parents' rights.  By everyone's expectation, considering that her parents are not expected to be there and have repeatedly announced their desires to no longer be responsible for CD, their rights should be terminated as of today.  This would free CD for adoption.

I left a message for CD's law guardian asking her to call us today to let us know what transpired in court.  I am hoping that she has the heart to call us before the weekend.  We have no case manager right now as we are between case managers so we have no one else to call.  A previous case manager is testifying for the System, I left her a message too.  Maybe she will have the heart to call?

After 29 months CD will hopefully become legally free for adoption.  That means that 46 days from now, after sitting tight through an appeal period, in theory, our adoption application can be sent in the mail to the state capital for processing.  This means that a month or so after day 46, in theory (and I imagine only in theory) our family will finally have our adoption day.

It is actually hard to imagine that day will ever truly exist.  Living this ride has become our normal.

Leading up to this day I had a couple of nightmares (dreams??).  In them, my family was on vacation at a family vacation resort and both CD's biological mother, her friend and CD's biological father and ten of his relatives followed us there wanting to talk to us.  In my nightmare I got to know this likable cast of characters.  They insisted that CD was best being adopted by us even though in my nightmares, I didn't understand why they hadn't wanted to raise CD.  It was a weird couple of nightmares.  I think it reflected the bitter-sweet process that is adoption.  My gain is someone else's loss.  That in truth, I know so very little about CD's biological origins and I think my nightmares represented my wish that this adoption had gone differently.  I wish that there were interested biological family members who wanted to know us and CD.  I wish that even though it is clear that we are CD's family that it didn't have to come with, let's face it, utter abandonment by her biological family.

I work with so many children in foster care and so many parents of children who are in care.  It is so rare that parents walk away, just disappear without any way of finding them as they leave their children to be cared for by the System.  Even the most mentally unstable, drug addicted, abusive parents, for the most part, fight to some extent, for a continued relationship with their child while they are in care.  Most terminations are not done without so much as one biological family member in court fighting for an extension, fighting because they believe it be unfair, fighting to remain a part of the child's life.

I look at CD and can't imagine how anyone could walk away from this beautiful child who is so full of life.  I can only be sad to know that her biological family must be in a pretty dark place to have felt it better or necessary to disappear.

My whole morning was occupied by a office of licensing inspection.  It took three whole hours.  Now I am alone but soon I will start picking up my kids from school.  While I found it annoying that this licensing woman wanted to chit chat, comment on the nice granite counter tops and check out my display of family photos and failed to leave in a timely manner, it was a gift.  It kept me occupied.  Being alone I am getting teary and just waiting for information.  Information that I am afraid I won't get until the weekend is over.

I will post when I hear something definitive.

On another note, please look for Dave Thomas Foundation's: A Home for the Holidays, which will air on Wednesday, December 18th on CBS ET.  It is a benefit concert for the Dave Thomas Foundation, a wonderful charitable organization that secures adoptive families for children who have been difficult to place.  We watch this every year and it is guaranteed to touch your heart.