CD is turning 3!

After almost 19 months in foster care with us, CD is celebrating her third birthday tomorrow. A part of me can't believe that as she turns three she is still my "foster" daughter. A year ago I didn't know that I didn't really know what to expect in this whole process. Now I don't think that the adoption will be final by the time she turns four. As frustrating as that is, I feel so fortunate that she is spending her third birthday with us and glad that we are in a place to feel confident that eventually, she will spend her birthdays with us as our forever daughter.

CD managed to get through the terrible twos without any meltdowns at all. Sure she asserts herself, says "I don't like you," will at first refuse to do what she doesn't want to do but I am impressed with her ability to tolerate her own distress, regroup rather quickly and accept when no means no. She has always been like that though. Resilient and tough. She doesn't fall apart, at least not yet. The threes, I have found, can be the "terrible" time. Though this kid is so cute that it is hard to imagine getting all that frustrated with her. She is just so affectionate and funny!

On her birthday, unfortunately, she will be going for her first visit to an allergist. She has been throwing up almost daily and is not sick. Poor kid absolutely hates throwing up. She doesn't even like being a little dirty, vomiting makes her miserable. We believe that it is milk related but really it could be anything. At times like these it would be nice to have some information about her biological family but we'll have to work around it.

Otherwise, nothing has changed. There will be a bunch of hearing and filings and whatnot for the next six months. If after six months nothing changes there will be a trial set for the Termination of Parental Rights. I have given up being annoyed at how ridiculously long the process is. There is nothing I can do to change it. As long as CD is with us she doesn't know that her legal status is on hold. She knows she has a family and a huge extended group of family and friends who adore her and can't wait to sing "Happy Birthday" as she turns the big 3.

On incredible things that happen and god

I heard a really incredible story last week. A woman, a very brief time after suffering a tragic miscarriage got a call from the adoption agency with whom she had been working. A baby had been matched to her and her husband. I got chills when I heard the story in its entirety. I won't go into it in order to protect the privacy of the people involved, but it is really an amazing story. Happenings such as these help my friend believe in god.

I look at CD and there is often a feeling of "it was meant to be" as though the universe or some higher power had a hand in the events that led up to saying "yes" to a placement that I would have normally turned down. It seems like more than sheer coincidence that CD and our family found each other. It feels as though she belongs with us, as though she was intended to be my child. Sometimes it feels like everything that led up to the decision to be a foster family was really about the universe making sure that CD would come out of that van on July 21, 2010, reach out her arms to me and become my daughter.

But I am not a believer.

As my friend said, I have seen too much.

For every heartwarming story, I can tell ten that are horrific. I can tell you about the children who never end up in loving arms, who have been treated in ways unimaginable to some or stories of families with all the best intentions to adopt a child in need of a forever family going through hell when a placement doesn't work despite incredible love and dedication.

I can understand the power of incredible stories that seem to be a product of something more than luck or coincidence. However, my choices in life have made me see the world through pretty jaded eyes. I have seen too many innocents without their happily ever afters for the heartwarming or even miraculous seeming events that have happened to me to make a dent.